reflective...

 "Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards." -- Vernon Sanders Law, 1960 Cy Young Award Winner

As we move headlong into a new decade...I have taken time to reflect about the past decade, the circumstances of my journey, and the enormous blessings that have been given to me...I share today with an open heart filled with joy as this has been time of growing into the ME I was Born to be!!! (see the previous post also)

Wow...oh wow is all I can say about the first weeks of 2010!!! I was up early this morning to receive...and I did!

What stood out above all for me at this time of my journey is:

• You can come to understand your purpose in life by slowing down, feeling your heart’s desires, and demanding to know.

During this past 20 months, God forced me to slow down by removing ALL obstacles (a job and income) and presenting me with TIME! Time to reflect. Time to mourn. Time to refresh. Time to repurpose. Time to realign. Time to reframe. Time to release. During this gift of time, I found #1-ME and #2-crystal clarity of purpose and #3-this is the time for me to soar...

"To a mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders" - Chuang Tzu

It has been a Two Year Retreat, mostly silent. You have followed my story here and on my other blog, Down, But Not Out (Living Beneath No Means). I had no choice but to reconnect with myself…find strength to look at what brought me to this place, find fortitude to survive, find courage to move forward, find hope to rebuild, find bits of my soul that had been scattered about the universe over the years and bring them home.

And by walking and stumbling and, sometimes even crawling my path the last two years of the decade I was able to learn my deepest passion is to communicate in a major way. A gift revealed itself at the tender age of five when I started my first newspaper. The first headline read: “Young Gril (Girl) Finds $50”…. okay, I still cannot spell, but you get the point. If I had listened then….

• If you are going to ask the questions, be sure to listen for the answers.

How many times in my life was I presented with the answers, but I did not listen? Then, a hurried life is brought completely to a halt...so I could do nothing else but listen!

During this time I have been blessed to be able to walk along the beach in my beloved island sanctuary...and capture the moments of my retreat in such magnificience...i step into my purpose, my future, my path with great peace and the completeness of knowing I am who I was born to be....

the different ways in which needs can be satisfied...

"Besides the earth, man's principle resource is man himself. His intelligence enables him to discover the earth's productive potential and the many different ways in which needs can be satisfied." -- Pope John Paul II

in my dreams there is a banquet...and everybody i love, or ever have loved, or ever will love is there...and it is beautiful...and everyone is happy and there is enough food for each to have their fill...no one is hungry or in pain or sad...

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday...i love to get up early to bake the bread that has risen all night...and cook, and cook, and cook...pumpkin soup in tiny pumpkins i baked to the perfect golden glow...my turkey served with tiny ruffled shoes...homemade gravy and the inner parts turned into a feast for the animals...

this year is different...and i pray:

Lord, continue to fuel me with the desire to be productive...and understand the different ways in which needs can be satisfied...

pictorial essay...all photos taken this morning at sunrise...

for these i am thankful

natures' vignettes

a tiny feather in the sun

my great blue heron muse

a great splash photo

a chubby sanderling

a sunrise portrait session by the sea

rippled sand in the sun

surfers at dawn

pelicans flying low over waves

finding a perfect nautilus shell

a flock of sea gulls

colorful sea foam bubbles

haze over the ocean

watching a thanksgiving family photo session by the sea at sunrise

mostly i am thankful for the beautiful friendships i have found during the past 18 months...they have fueled my energy when i had none and filled my weary spirit with joy...you have given to me knowing that i had nothing to give in return... you know who you are and i hope you know how much i love you...and i say simply...

thanks

please read the post below about food banks and what they need this season...if you can help, please do...

Christmas Reflections and Traditions...

i have joined The Inspired Room's annual Friday Holiday Linkyyou can see other limky by clicking the link...
There is no ideal Christmas;
only the one Christmas you decide
to make as a reflection
of your values, desires, affections, traditions.
Bill McKibben*
This quote really touched something deep in me. I hate to admit it, but 2009 has been a very tough year and I have been feeling really down, disconnected, and not my joyful self...I do not like to whine too much, because I have a beautiful and full life...so when I contemplated the above quote, I realized that it is exactly what I believe and bring that makes a holiday joyful...not feeling sorry for myself...




St. Francis Preaching to the Birds - Giotto
So what am I going to do about my feelings of sadness...what I always do when I am too focused on self...turn outward and think of others:

Your Local Food Bank Needs You

This holiday season, consider the possibility of making your dinner a food drive; you can ask your guests to bring canned goods, in lieu of house gifts...Have a neighborhood food drive with your children - make a flyer and pass around this weekend and pick up Monday and deliver to the food bank...

Food banks are really suffering this year...because of the economy, many more people have had to call on thier local food bank for help...if you have any extra money or canned goods...stories like this abound this year...please help if you can...

Hoffman, 55, is one of the growing number of "nontraditional" food pantry clients across the country. They include more formerly independent senior citizens, more people who own houses and more people who used to call themselves "middle-class" — those who are not used to fretting over the price of milk.

"We're getting calls all the time from people who want to know how to get here," said Kristine Gibson, community outreach manager at the Stockton food pantry. "And when I ask where they live, they give an address of a nice neighborhood, one where you or I would want to live."

No matter what city you live in, and no matter what newspaper you read, you have probably seen a headline that says something like “Local Food Bank Donations Down,” or “Shelves Empty at the Food Bank.”

According to a recent thread on Chowhound, certain items are almost always a good bet:

Canned Chicken
Powdered Milk
Canned Tuna
Saltine Crackers
Soups
Juices
White Rice
Jarred or Canned Spaghetti Sauce
Grape Jelly
Canned Vegetables
Breakfast Cereals
Pork & Beans
Peanut Butter
Macaroni & Cheese
Baby food & formula
Pet food, for companion animals

And, of course, money donations are always welcome as well. To find the nearest food bank to you, check out Second Harvest’s Food Bank locator.

What they’ve got too much of? Kidney beans.

I will repeat my tradition a la St. Francis of Assisi. St. Francis loved animals because they, too, were God's creatures. He extended special kindness to animals at Christmas. He urged farmers to provide their oxen and donkeys with extra rations of corn and hay "for the reverence of the Son of God, whom on such a night the Blessed Virgin did lay down in the stall between the ox and the donkey." At Christmastide, St. Francis scattered crumbs of bread under the trees, so the tiny creatures could feast and be happy. I am going to scatter bird seed around my tiny island on Christmas eve so that the birds, too, can celebrate...




Saint Francis' birds are fed on Christmas Eve 2007 - a new tradition launched
Read about other Christmas traditions here...

See my Hundred Dollar Holiday ideas and Hundred Dollar Holiday post....to learn more...

* Bill McKibben, author, Hundred Dollar Holiday: The Case For a More Joyful Christmassays, "The Christmas we now celebrate grew up at a time when Americans were mostly poor ... mostly working with their hands and backs. If we now feel burdened and unsatisfied by the piles of gifts and over consuming, it is not because Christmas has changed all that much. It's because we have." ...read article here...

ghosts and panic attacks do not make for a good night's sleep...

ghosts and panic attacks interrupted my sleep last night...yuk!!! at 1:50 am i awoke terrified, with a full-blown panic attack...have not had one for a long time now...then at 5:50 am, i was awake petting the dog, my kitchen light came on and went off...and the motion detector light came on...for some time now the light in my bathroom will turn on when nobody is in there...i joke about there being a ghost...is it a joke? or is it my guardian angel?

so i was on the beach by 6:30 this morning...it was still very dark and i walked in the light of the moon...my reflection on the wet sand beneath my feet...

6:30 am walk

the great blue heron was the only other being on the beach at this moment

i walked on in silent prayer...wanting some comfort...and i remember...when life seems to be 'falling apart' things could actually be 'falling together'...

i keep reminding myself that i am safe, and my situation is under the perfect control of Divine providence and universal order...i try to only infuse loving thoughts and emotions into the situation to ensure that the highest possible outcome flows effortlessly to and through me...adapted from Dorren Virtue

the sunrise

how big you 'perceive' a problem to be may be actually BE the problem...

When fear comes, expect the opposite...faith to rise up. When symptoms attack your body, expect the opposite-God's healing power. When sadness attaches itself to you, expect the opposite-joy to flood your being. When lack comes in, expect the opposite-God's provision. When confusion comes, expect the opposite-God's peace. When darkness covers you, expect the opposite-God's light on you. -Martin Riding

the heron on my way back down the beach...my companion in the first light of day

"In the words of an old Irish prayer: Three wishes I ask of the King when I part from my body: May I have nothing to confess, may I have no enemy, may I own nothing! Three wishes I ask this day of the King, ruler of suns: May I have no dignity or honours that lead me into torment! May I not work without reward before Christ! May God take my soul when it is most pure!" -Sacred Space

a surprise when i looked at my pictures

i had captured a dragonfly purely by Divine accident

a gift to remind me that even when i feel alone...i am not alone...

====================

i am expecting a miracle...

i joined the FUN-ellenge with Heather Picken

join us here:

http://summitforwomen.ning.com/page/i-create-miracles-funellenge

be fearless today...

BE FEARLESS TODAY "We're afraid of failure and we're afraid of success. We're afraid of dying young and we're afraid of growing old. We're more afraid of life than we are of death." -Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

it is a time of reflection for me each morning as i walk by the sea...i don't believe that i am afraid of much anymore...perhaps being homeless...i have not been afraid of dying since i was 23 and broke my neck...death was very near last year when i developed pneumonia while teaching in north carolina...the doctor said, "30 minutes later and we would not have been able to save you."...yet i am here....and have time for reflection as i walk and breathe by my beloved ocean...

the times are exciting now...each day brings a surprise...as i am clearing away years of belongings i am remembering and cherishing each one for what it is...a memory...and then letting go...

yesterday i launched a new blog...artist needs cash...today! where i am:


I lost my main source of income 16 months ago…and these lovingly-collected items cannot go with me when I close my studio doors for the last time in October of this year…these supplies need creative hands to transform them into the works of art I once envisioned… So it is with great joy that I release them to your creative hearts to fashion the art you now envision… and, if your spirit were so moved, I would love to see photos of the art you create with these treasures... I am deeply blessed and eternally grateful that your purchase will help me move on to the next creative adventure in my life’s journey… With a loving heart I wish profound success to the work of your hands…

so stop by artist needs cash...today! and see if there is anything you might fancy...prices are really low...the stuff is really wonderful...please tell others about it...for i do need cash today...

those i call friend...

my life is so richly blessed by many amazing people....my love and spirit is magnified by those i call friend...

"Theology is knowing truth about God. That's important, but not as important as knowing God; just as knowing things about your friend is not as important as knowing your friend." -Peter Kreeft, Prayer: The Great Conversation

my journey this past two years has been challenging, paradoxical and, at times, painful... oftentimes vexing and formidable...when i was flying very low and alone...it took a Herculean effort to remain my friend...to watch the path on which i walked each day...

and those who chose to stay and lead me through the fog...who took the head winds when i did not think i had the strength to fly....encouraged me to try when i wanted to retreat into myself...

have come to really know ME...the raw, unabridged, burdened me...not the persona...just me...the authentic me...

i stand today because my friends cared enough to listen when i needed to talk...to comfort me when all i could do was cry...to feed me and care for me when i could not do it for myself...to form a cocoon around me so that i could heal...

and start to soar again with them....

so that someday soon i will be strong enough and sure enough to soar myself once again...

Lord i see you through the love of others....and this is my wish for you my friend:

magnificent sunrises for your eyes to see...warm smiles when sadness intrudes...much comfort on difficult days...rainbows to follow the storms of life...laughter to kiss your lips with joy...sunsets to warm your heart...long hugs when your spirit sags...lasting friendships that brighten your being...faith to believe...confidence when you are in doubt...courage to know yourself...patience to accept the truth...enduring love to complete your life....

easy come...easy go...

♥heart♥ week had a crazy sad ending...these are always a mystery to me...i need my friends to send good energy my way...bless you in advance...

"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world." Helen Keller

i guess i am learning another life lesson...to be brave and patient...within 6 minutes yesterday afternoon, the intern position i was so looking forward to and had worked very diligently for three days, went kaput...one minute i was skyping with my boss about what i had been working on...the next she was saying there was an emergency...then next thing is that my job description had vanished... this is the exact conversation with times:

[8/7/09 1:18:24 PM] Boss: S----e and I have some major internal issues we need to sort out

[8/7/09 1:18:30 PM] Boss: within the company - client issues

[8/7/09 1:18:50 PM] Boss: i apologize

[8/7/09 1:18:52 PM] Boss: it's unexpected

[8/7/09 1:19:15 PM] Rebecca E. Parsons: okay...sorry

[8/7/09 1:19:25 PM] Boss: sorry?

[8/7/09 1:19:28 PM] Boss: not your fault

[8/7/09 1:19:31 PM] Boss: I apologize

[8/7/09 1:19:49 PM] Boss: it seems C---a wants on full time and we need to speak to her

[8/7/09 1:20:23 PM] Rebecca E. Parsons: okay...i understand...will hold you in good energy

[8/7/09 1:24:38 PM] Boss: thanks Rebecca

[8/7/09 1:24:43 PM] Boss: sorry - don't mean to be flakey

[8/7/09 1:24:58 PM] Boss: but if she wants full time - then we essentially lose your entire job descrip

[8/7/09 1:25:01 PM] Boss: so I need to speak to her

[8/7/09 1:25:12 PM] Boss: i was under the impressiont hat she was having family issues

[8/7/09 1:25:21 PM] Boss: i apologize i will speak to her and see what the deal is

[8/7/09 1:25:22 PM] Rebecca E. Parsons: wow...that hurts

[8/7/09 1:25:41 PM] Boss: i am sorry?

[8/7/09 1:25:58 PM] Boss: i didn't understand? do u mean for C---a or for you?

[8/7/09 1:26:17 PM] Rebecca E. Parsons: for me... :(

at 8:15 PM i received this e-mail from the Boss:

I am so sorry about C---a. She will be on full time – and really needs the money for her husband’s treatment. I am afraid that she will pretty much be doing everything we had set aside for you! It won’t be a “real” intern experience this way. I am just as disappointed – but I don’t want this to be a dead end for you. I am so sorry. I was pretty excited to work with you. We would still love to refer out folks for web copy to you – and utilize your graphic design experience as the need comes.

so the intern position that started with such high hopes on wednesday, officially ended friday...was i wacky to be excited about an opportunity i found over facebook? with people and a company i knew little or nothing about? is the the way business will be conducted in the future? without regard to someone's feelings...with no respect? is it easier to do this to someone because the relationship is virtual? just a see ya???

H E A R T L E S S

i am almost speechless....still in shock..and my heart is broken open...

those of you who have been following me this past 18 months know exactly how much that income meant to me...it meant food and electrical power...although i still believe that everything happens as it should and that i live in the midst of infinite abundance...it is a little more difficult today...

so i am learning another life lesson...to be brave and patient...in the face of heartbreak and hunger...please pray for me...