wings...

"Find the wind that takes you where you want to go and your wings will take you there." -Arturo Mancheno (a comment on facebook)

i have been working on feather-inspired angels this week...this is the progress of the trio...these are part of my spiritual explorations as i believe the artist is a spiritual explorer...these angel paintings and prints will be available in my etsy shop soon...

hope (detail) - 2009 12 x 23-1/2" acrylic on gallery wrapped canvas

faith (detail) - 2009 12 x 23-1/2" acrylic on gallery wrapped canvas

love (detail) - 2009 12 x 23-1/2" acrylic on gallery wrapped canvas

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i just had to share this morning's sunrise with you...it was magical...the colors divine...these and the angel paintings will be available in my etsy shop soon...

lila tueller is having a fab giveaway here... one of her jelly rolls...

blessed discomfort...

in the movie Bounce, Ben Affleck encourages Gwyneth Paltrow:

"It isn't brave unless you're afraid."

as an artist i am accustomed to creating within blessed discomfort...as a creative entrepreneur i am more than used to blessed discomfort...as a child of God i have learned to embrace blessed discomfort...

blessed discomfort has helped me grow as a woman, and artist and a spiritual being...on my life path it has not been easy to surrender to fear...

to find the courage to stand in my own truth and be my authentic self, i have had to walk through fear...my worst fears...feel vunerable, raw and exposed...hopeless, helpless and alone...i have had to accept that the plans i had for my life were not the plans of God...and i had to adjust, reinvent myself and reengineer my life...

i would not call myself brave or courageous...nevertheless, i would call myself a survivor...and i have a new descriptive adjective...

F E A R L E S S

if you have followed my journey of the past twenty months, you have seen the fear, and sometimes the anger, as i stumbled along to today...it has not been easy or pretty, nor has it left me unchanged...but it has taught me to confront fear head on and come to the knowing that i have survived my worst imaginable fear...lack of security...for nothing in my world is secure today except my faith...

to see the expansion of this topic for artists please visit my blog - The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer...

to see my path in full and raw detail, visit my blog - down...but not out...

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carolee is having a giveaway on her blog for the cutest trinket box...go see by clicking this sentence...

my gift...my mission...

i have been given a great gift...in return i have a job/mission to do...

From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more. Luke 12:48

the mission?

my dark night of the soul...

I have been doing heavy soul work during this Lenten season. I have extended my morning meditation/prayer time and, as a result, I believe that I have entered my dark night of the soul. I bring this here because I am called to do so...if you read on it is because you are called to do so...

I was wounded as a child-not physically or sexually, but emotionally. I know you are saying, "Who wasn't Rebecca?" And that is a valid question...but I am feeling the need to go on with this anyway.

I was wounded by my father who was emotionally detached, wanted a son when I was born, and often stated that I was "worthless." My mother overcompensated by holding on tightly to me, yet she was emotionally distant also. This disconnect with my father led me into relationships with men who were emotionally detached from me and could never give me the love I so craved. Yet I returned again and again because I believed that this was all I deserved.

I seek out sources to fill that hole deep in my soul. Adulation, praise, winning, success...all were, and still are to some extent, my drug of choice. I must continually be filled with massive overdoses of esteem in order to function. Like a sad puppy, if you give praise, I will perform for you forever regardless of the neglect or pain you inflict.

I have accepted this woundedness in my psyche and my mind, but I am still wounded in my heart and my soul. This is what I came away with during my morning meditation today. It is stuff I have been dealing with for may years. It is why I had built up an overabundance worldly stuff - because it meant love to me. And loosing it means a failure and another loss of love to me.

I am too smart to truly believe this, you might say; yet I repeatedly come from this place of need. And when a person operates their lives from this place of lack, it shows somehow.

I was able to keep a glossed-over facade for most of my life. My mother taught me to splash my face, put on some lipstick and 'pretend' everything is all right. If I pretended hard enough and long enough, I usually began to believe it. But reality intervened last year and blew my world, pretense and all, into a million tiny pieces. So many pieces in fact, that I probably will never be able to gather them all back together.

Yesterday's meditation was about the puzzle of my life. All those tiny pieces. The meditation brought me to the edge of a precipice with Jesus. He showed me the puzzle that is my life. I saw as far as my eyes could see an incomplete puzzle. I was carrying a massively large, heavy puzzle piece on my back. It was in the form of a large slab of stone. I was hunched over by the weight of this piece and labored ever so slowly to take it to the place it fits. It was breaking my back to carry it.

I understood that I would never complete this puzzle in my life. I have always wanted to know why things are the way they are. I am overly curious to a fault. He said, "You don't need to know the answers to begin..." to put my life together, to heal??? are the questions I am left to answer.

My life had two distinct divisions...before I broke my neck and after I broke my neck. The after has been an uphill climb filled with pain, sometimes bearable and other times unthinkable. Yet I live and walk and breathe...

I am challenged to find joy in my burdens and suffering. Jesus said to me clearly, "In your suffering others will find strength." My journey is a steep climb with heavy burdens. The path is rocky with many stumbles and falls. If my journey will give others hope then I must put it out there. So I share my dark night of the soul with you today as vulnerable and as raw as it feels to do so...

Millions of enlightened souls have entered their own dark night of the soul. This is where the journey leads you. It is uncomfortable and frightening but very necessary to grow into our spiritual maturity. Once in spiritual maturity we are free to co-create with God and the universe with the gift that is uniquely our own.

heart broken open...

i was going to post the results of my weekend adventure with the twiggleberry-dews, but that will have to wait until tomorrow...i had such a profound experience during my meditation this morning, i feel compelled and led to share a portion of the awakening...

'heart broken open' - 2009, journal sketch

i do not usually bring something so personal to this place but i am encouraged to believe that it just might help others who are struggling with something at this very moment...

during my meditation i was feeling heartbroken, desolate and in pain...both physically and spiritually...as i look inward, i find that i am unable to ask for help and, even when it is offered, i find it difficult to accept...yet, i have the capacity to willingly offer and give help as empathy is a large thread running through my nature...and i admit that i might, just might, need help at this time...

while journaling after my meditation this morning, i had a moment of clarity when i wrote, "the brokenness of my heart might, just might, be necessary for me to open my heart and accept help from God, friends, and even the universe."...albeit a forced opening, but an opening nonetheless....

'heart in a box' - 2007, acrylic on paper

now this opening of my heart is extremely painful...no, it is excruciatingly painful to the point i want to keep my heart in a box so it will be protected (actually it has been in a box for most of my life...you can read about it here and here...and even here...I write about trust issues a lot)

so my heart must be broken in order for it to heal...healing comes on gentle whispers to me, not in a roaring flood...healing is a gradual, sometimes difficult and almost always painful, journey for me...

'pieces of my heart' - 2009 acrylic on canvas

this opening up and pouring forth from my heart to yours is perhaps necessary for my healing to begin for a step toward acceptance begins the long journey into healing...from what was a small fissure, the tiny crack in my heart seemed to grow and the pieces of my heart were flung asunder...like a million tiny stars that blanket the sky on a clear night....

gathering these pieces of my heart together, fusing and mending it slowly is where the healing is leading me...that tiny fissure that i thought was bad and frightened me at first glance...is perhaps best viewed as a good thing, a necessary thing...for true authentic healing comes by going through the pain and coming out on the other side better...stronger...more alive...

i am not writing today in sadness or self-pity...that road has taken me nowhere over the past year...i write wholly within acceptance and awareness of my smallness in this vast universe of ours...embracing the fact that i am in the midst of healing...my spirit and my life...and it is painful...

my heart is indeed broken open...pouring forth to those of you who are ready to hear my story...and begin your own journey...

if you like this post and other here, i would love you to become a follower of my blog...please click the link at top right column...and i promise to keep the posts thoughtful and artful...

standing in my own way...

"standing in my own way" - 2009 acrylic and plaster on canvas

this painting just happened as so many of mine do...most of you know by now that art is prayer for me and i believe The Artist is a Spiritual Explorer...so i will share my creative process and let you peek into the experience of this painting...

when i create i set an intention asking the universe (God for me) to let flow through me what i need to know...this opens me to any possibility and clears they way for happenstance and synchronicity to emerge...

i sit with the canvas and my palette...when i feel pulled toward a color i dip my brush and off we go...i am usually going to paint a background for future work when something appears that takes me in a surprising and new direction...this is what happened during this painting session...

i have been troubled lately by thoughts that i am off my life's path...a feeling of wandering helplessly without any destination...like i am moving under water, v e r y   s l o w l y....

so this painting started with a thin coat of venetian plaster (so it will have a fresco look and feel)...then it went to aqua, very wet with lots of movement...then yellow as the sun shining through the water...the figure began to emerge and became more distinct, too distinct i thought...so i scraped it back a little with the edge of a spatula (the tool used to apply the plaster)...as i scraped the second figure appeared very close in front of the first figure...with bright light bursting forth...

at this moment i understood the message...i am standing in my own way...for a variety of reasons that i do not need to share here...yet the message came through loud and clear to me...

when i finish painting i usually sit with the painting and let it speak to me...i usually journal during this process...this painting had much to say to me...if you look closely to the left of the standing figures you can see another figure seated in a chair...with head slightly bowed...it is my spirit waiting patiently for me to get past this obstacle and get back on my life's path......

WOW! POWERFUL STUFF...

i am sending your here to read a powerful post...it is exactly where i am today....that crossroads is here...choices i so do not want to make or hoped i never would have to make are upon me...and i must step out blindly on this path of mine, not knowing what lies ahead or even if there is an ahead...but i must move on anyway...my heart beating and i wonder why...

Today's Intention...to get out of my own way and resume my life's journey...

The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer continued...

I am fully aware that this was serendipity now...this was the first glimpse at my life's calling...The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer... we can fly...we can soar... -Rebecca E. Parsons


How have I been led to this place...The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer...I have been on a journey for several years, with no idea of exactly where I was heading. When I began all I knew was, once I was called to go, I had no choice but to move out in the direction I was led.

The Readers Digest version of how my life's journey has led me to today- I have been creative all of my life. As a dancer, writer, journalist, and visual artist I have explored many pathways. I danced until I broke my neck at age 23. Having to find another outlet for my creativity, I began to paint and design. This led to a long career in graphic design. In the mid-80s, I rediscovered my love for painting and began a long lucrative career in decorative arts as a muralist. Graphic design led me to become a magazine editor for the past 10 years and to freelance jobs with some of the world's largest corporations (i.e. Kimberly-Clark, Prudential, IBM, GTE, BellSouth, Scientific Atlanta, Ernst & Young) and the US Olympic Committee. Murals and faux finishing led me to teaching, speaking engagements and writing as a regular columnist for several magazines. Another spinal break and subsequent surgeries brought me off of the ladder and into my own artwork.

Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find the right road. -Dag Hammerskjold

But there is another side of me that requires nurturing as much as my creative side - my spiritual side. I was always a Sunday church-goer and volunteer. After the death of my mother in 2000, I began a journey into deeper prayer, consciously setting aside time each morning and evening for prayer. That led me to praying the hours as monks and nuns do. What I discovered was the more you pray, the more you want to pray. And you begin a journey into a relationship so vast and fulfilling that you desire to have that always present in your life.

This led me to seek a Spiritual Director in 2002. I was torn because I believed that in order to follow my spiritual self, I would need to abandon my creative self. With my director's help, I have been able to come to the understanding that my art does not conflict with my spiritual life, it enhances and enriches it. Two years ago, I entered a 4-year formation program to become a Spiritual Director myself.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

My heart has been called to move my art explorations out into the world. I even bought Art as Prayer.com in 2007. Last week, after breaking my foot and slowing down, both worlds came together. During a contemplative/meditative session while asking for Divine guidance, I was given the outline of my future...my ministry...my calling...

The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer...

I have great clarity about all my past pathways, the fulfilling as well as the missteps. Each has had a part that has prepared me for this new path. The years of struggle with my art, the years of writing and teaching, the education process of becoming a Spiritual Director...all have led to this new doorway...the threshold of the rest of my life. It was opened to me and I have walked through it...filled with anticipation and excitement....

I consider myself a contemplative artist. My work is a combination of meditation and exploration...I cannot deny that part of myself that is so deeply rooted in faith and belief or the part of me that brings forth my visual voice from the work of my hands. I sometimes long for the peace of mind of the Buddhist monks, who have reached the place where nothing of this world can affect them...negatively or positively. They exist on a level where they are one with the Divine...I have glimpses of this place, but am still striving for it.

2007 was a year of deep lessons for me...moving, reflection, renewal, creativity, upheaval, unease...all brought with them major growth. I find growing edges of myself everyday and I am learning to embrace the me that I am today...at this moment. Those times that I was able to live in the present brought the biggest rewards...peace of mind and heart...and creativity beyond my wildest dreams. I am living proof that God had bigger plans for your life, than you could ever imagine...


When I am fully in this thing I call intuitivity (the confluence of intuition and creativity) I am most alive and in complete sync with that part of me that always has the answers and always knows where I should go...I want to spend an abundance of my time there from this point forward...and I invite you to accompany me...

My life will be about helping others become artist/explorers. I am led to discover how to let my divine intuition create without editing...I will let go of preconceived notions...I will play...I will find my unique, individual visual voice...and I will begin to use it powerfully.... and I will teach you how to do the same. I am so excited about the future...

I have started a new blog called...The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer...here...it will be the place where I can teach and reach others on the same path...an atelier of sorts...a place of intuitivity....

My dear ones...May the spirit of a new year fill your home with an abundance of love, laughter, and joy! May the magic of the moment bring peace to your heart all year long! May your creativity take you to amazing places and may you experience the resulting bliss! Much love to all of you and your families....

I have been truly blessed since beginning this magazine a mere 12 months ago...I have deep connections with some of you and am developing new ones almost daily...I have people all over the world that I truly care about and I look forward to our daily contact. I thank each of you who come here to visit my little corner of the universe...my prayers and love are lifted for you every day...

I promised some big news today...I have a major life Announcement and a very special GiVEaway...the following came to me during a meditative period a few weeks ago...afterward I began to journal and the following flowed from my pen...

"Doorway for a Spiritual Explorer"

As I head through the doorway of a new year, I find myself invited/guided/led/called to take a new path...one called

The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer

...I am led to discover how to let my divine intuition create without editing...I will let go of preconceived notions...I will play...I will find my unique, individual visual voice...and I will begin to use it powerfully....

I believe that we are born into this world with our own special message...if we never find a way to voice it, the world stays incomplete...as we stay incomplete...so we must ask ourselves today...what is it that only I have to say...and do I have the courage to speak it?

What I know for sure is that I do not want to die with my artwork still inside me...be it my song, my dance, my book or my painting...I am compelled to bring it forth into the world...give birth to that voice only I can speak with, and make the art only I can create.

I have to stop being totally invested in the outcome...what I want or hope the result to be...and instead become invested in the journey itself...that gift of time when all external things dissolve away...when time seems to stand still or fly by...that spiritual experience known as creative flow...

We come into this world with a special piece of the universal puzzle...and if you don't find that piece of you that belongs outside yourself...that belongs to the whole of the universe...and if you never bring it forth, the universe is missing a piece...and you are missing that piece also...the whole will never be finished or complete without that special piece that is you...

I could not stop writing...it must have been three or four hours later when I became sensory aware enough to review my writings...contained within I had the foundation of a retreat, the scripts for a series of videos, and the outline of a book...

So I have walked through this doorway and we are off on this new path this year...one that promises many discoveries as we explore our intuitivity (intuition and creativity)...I invite you to come with me...

In honor of this very special day for me, I am gifting one reader with a print: "Doorway for a Spiritual Explorer" ...see the creation of this piece here... I have held this painting close to my heart since the day it was painted October 2, 2007, the second day of my Reinvent-tage Retreat...It will never be sold...and prints will be limited to 10...

My statement about the painting, "The figure is looking back into the darkness of what she is leaving behind...as she heads toward the light...she will never look back again...she is growing into herself an her destiny...becoming stronger and more brave with each step...her steps are sure...her path is glowing brightly for her to follow...she remains open to possibility..."

At the time this was painted, I asked if this painting was the result of "skill or serendipity"...I wrote about the process,"This painting just took shape...I allowed it to happen...remaining open to possibility...many possibilities presented themselves while I was painting...I stayed with them until they led me where this painting was supposed to go."

I am fully aware that this was serendipity now...this was the first glimpse at my life's calling...The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer...read more about how I have been led to this place in my next post...

The GiVEaway process... between now and 12 midnight Sunday...leave a comment on this post describing your creative journey...so far, present, or future...and I will choose one name from a drawing to be announced Monday morning...