I Am (Finally) Who I Was Born To Be...

Songwriter: Audra Mae
sung by Susan Boyle

When I was a child

I could see the wind in the trees

And I heard a song in the breeze

It was there, singing out my name 

But I am not a girl

I have known the taste of defeat

And I have finally grown to believe

It will all came around again 

Though I may not

Know the answers

I can finally say I am free

And if the questions

Led me here, then

I am who I was born to be

And so here am I
Open arms and ready to stand
I've got the world in my hands
And it feels like my turn to fly

Though I may not
Know the answers
I can finally say I am free
And if the questions
Led me here, then
I am who I was born to be 

When I was a child

There were flowers that bloomed in the night

Unafraid to take in the light

Unashamed to have braved the dark

Though I may not

Know the answers

I can finally say I am free

And if the questions

Led me here, then

I am who I was born to be

I am who I was born to be.

This is the anthem for the rest of my life and for my Claiming Who I Was Born to Be Life Path Project that began in earnest in 2009. You can read about the (r)Evolutionary beginnings of this life path here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here...

With absolute clarity I have birthed, these past 10 months, an extraodinary lifestyle business model that (r)Evolutionizes the way I live and do business...it symbolizes fully The Who I Was Born to Be... as the following illustrates the birthing process over the past year...please keep reading as the news is (r)Evealed below...

storm clouds gather

"You can always tell when a man is not living in the purpose for which God created him. You sense his unrest. You get a feeling something is not quite right, even if you can't put your finger on what it is. When you are around a man who is fulfilling his calling and doing what he was created to do, you're aware of his inner direction, confidence and deep security." -Stormie Omartian, The Power of a Praying Wife

stormy seas

there are always storms in our lives...times when storm clouds gather and times when there are rough, stormy seas...when we feel lost, alone, afraid, unsure...times of unrest...unrest of the spirit, the mind and the soul...unrest about of purpose and direction...

soaring thru the storm

how you choose to deal with these storms is a view into your strength of character...you can let the storm engulf you where the undertow will pull you down or way off course...or you can soar above the storm where you are lifted up...and propelled along your journey as if on wings...

break in the clouds

and eventually there is a break in the clouds and the sun comes shining thru...and a remarkable calm embraces you...you realize that you have weathered the storm...learned its lessons...and, with deep gratitude, have grown...

sun comes shining thru

and if you are conscious enough you may even find a diamond in the stormy sky...the life lesson that was hidden within the chaos...one that strengthen you and sustains you and brings lasting gift...

diamond in the stormy sky

a simple treasure...an inner direction and confidence to set sail in the direction of your purpose...and follow that path wherever it leads because you know...you BeLiEvE that it is your destiny...

head into the sun

Please meet REP MEdia, parent company of Artistically Speaking Magazine, Radio Talk Show, Blog, and Community...

I am who I was born to be...
wmwmwmw wmwmwmw

not to make a living, but to make a life...

The point of your activities throughout the day is not to make a living, but to make a life; not to 'work' but to create joy. If you are doing what you are doing merely to 'pay the bills,' you will have missed the major reason for All Of Life.

The purpose of life is to know and express Who You Are. If you do other than that during the days and times of your life, you will have not used those days and times in a way that profits your soul. It is soul profit we are after here, not body profit.  from Neal Donald Walsh....I believe God wants you to know

We had a loss in out family last week...our 15-y-o maggie passed away, leaving a big maggie shaped hole in our hearts...we miss you and love you always...

work in progress...

what is on your easel today???

i am working on these four angels right now...i am teaching a creativity workshop titled "Artistic Journey with Kindred Spirits" at John C. Campbell Folk School the weekend of January 23rd...i am doing these for sale in the gallery while i am there...

i am totally taken with the angel on the upper right...i paint intuitively...with little pre-planning and let each figure develop as it will...the background is venetian plaster (one of my favorite grounds to paint on)...i love to work on several paintings at once so i can let things dry before i mess them up...i have a tendency to do that if i paint one at a time...how do you work???

on a personal note...after 3 years on the market and $125,000 worth of reductions...there is finally someone interested in my home...please lift a prayer that it may sell quickly...

Think Small to Grow Big...

So you want to be a speaker. This is how I did it...

First, interact with event planners and the media to build relationships, network and let your presence be known…get yourself out…network…market…let them know you are the expert!

Stay open to ALL the possible opportunities that are available to you…set an intention and you will find them.

Opportunities come in many different forms. Sometimes the smallest opportunity can be one of the biggest stepping stones to success! Don’t turn down an opportunity just because you feel it isn’t big enough, or isn’t really your thing. 

1. Write to local & state industry associations in your target area. Nationals have a lot of competition.

2. Offer to write a monthly column in the indusrty/state associations newsletters. Getting a column gives credibility, builds brand awareness and builds relationship of sorts with the readers.

3. Optimist and Rotary both have monthly meetings and seek speakers. Can lead to other ops.

4. Co-sponsor an event with a former association or company. Charity events are excellent ways to build relationships and look for speaking ops. 

5. Look for fundraisers or school functions that might need help.

6. Sponsor an "event" with a local govt leader, mayor, senator, celebrity. They do the keynote and you  open and close. 

7. Offer to speak at a national ____ week event. (You fill in the blank)

8. Present a targeted exec with an award for some accomplishment. Good PR possibility for papers/magazines. Do a SOFTSELL during the presentation.

9. Contribute good content to Group Forums, Bulletin Boards or Discussion Groups. This can lead to telechats and seminars.

10. Sponsorships & Prizes can get you on the stage.

There is a great article here:

http://www.brandingonthenet.com/articles/booking-speaking-engagements.htm

we’ve decided to go in another direction...

No matter how the words “we’ve decided to go in another direction” are delivered, you instinctively know your life is changing. To loose your job is a lifestyle change. To loose two within a week is a life change.

This week I learned that my contract as the Editor-in-Chief of The Artistic Stenciler would not be renewed. My position was awarded to the mother-in-law of one of the organization's board of directors. Therefore, I must bid adieu to what has always been a labor of love for me. Not quite sure whether to laugh or cry, I am perplexed yet relieved, as the operational structure has presented major challenges in the past few years. As much as it hurts to let go…I know it is time.

I also had to leave my new job as it was, in no way, the right fit for me. It was sooooo wrong on sooooo many levels...

Nobody likes drastic change when it comes to his or her career. Americans, on average, spend 70% of their waking hours on work-related activities. We make our careers part of our lives and certainly our egos. When meeting a new person you hear, "What do you do?" within a few sentences.

Therefore, I find myself even deeper in the, “What now???” phase of my life transition. The past few months have been life altering for me–health issues, my significant other’s depression and suicide attempts and the ensuing loss of a companion and partner, growing financial concerns–need I say more…

Getting a pink slip is something I have not experienced and I am finding it mentally and emotionally stressful. I am switching between a negative “what am I going to do with myself” feeling of sorrow to a positive “what am I going to do with myself” feeling of adventure. What is the new direction for me?

I am aware that it will take time and strength to overcome the feelings of depression, tension, and anger. At times, I simply do not know how to react to the news and the other things that have occurred in my life these since Christmas.

Before reading Eckhart Tolle’s book about ego, I would have said that I don’t have much of an ego. After the first two chapters, I realized that I have an enormous ego. For the past decade I have been this, now I am not.

I am frustrated and confused about my complex emotions of fear, shame, and depression. For spiritually I know that I am not what I do or what job title I have. I am so much more…so connected with the life force that flows through the universe. So why, then, am I so darned upset???

Foremost on my mind, I have little left in my rainy day fund. That went in my $100,000 mistake move to Georgia in 2006. All the financial resources I have left are tied up in a house that may not be sell'able' in this down market. I may have to rent it until the market picks up again, but it will not be enough to cover the payments. And let’s not even mention the nearly four decades of ‘stuff’ I have amassed that will need to be dealt with.

The normally positive, happy-go-lucky spirit I am seems but a distant memory. The pick-myself-up-and-dust-myself-off attitude is waning. I want to have a temper tantrum–I don’t want to loose my home, or my stuff, or my lifestyle…but I can see no other way than to sell everything I have, move in with friends or family, and start all over again. Certainly not on my short list of life goals!!

I cannot afford to cocoon, as I so want to do. But my mind has shut down as a result of everything else that has happened this year. I feel numb and alone. A post traumatic stress sort of thing...Even thinking straight is difficult. Planning and executing 'any' action plan seems so beyond my capabilities at the moment. I am struggling to accomplish basic daily functions. And trying to keep my partner alive has drained me of the strength I need to save myself. I am surely adrift in my dark night of the soul...

This is the reason I have not updated my blog…I am in the throes of a giant pity party....which I have given myself permission to have all weekend...I am ashamed of my feelings and lack of abilities, as I have always been the one to see a dozen solutions to any given problem. And, for the life of me, I can’t come up with one solution...........

But I believe when I get through this...I will be a better human being...with a better grasp of my life's purpose....until then, please don't give up on me!

meanwhile, i have retreated into the studio where i find solace in creation...hopefully an answer/solution will come...i am learning detachment...the journey continues...

Don't forget to visit my other blog, The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer click here...

My Plate is Overly Full...

my plate is so full you can't even see the plate anymore... "My plate is full" is an idiom used to say to someone else that i have all the work i can handle...i have no extra hours in the day for anything else...i am at my wits end trying to do everything...i have boxed myself into a corner with all these deadlines coming at once...
where has the week gone??? i have been busy with that four letter word called

w o r k
i have a lot to tell you...first, i have been working on the magazine...for those of you who read the mag, this issue is full of great articles and how to's...i am the editor of a 56-page, 4-color quarterly publication called "The Artistic Stenciler"...it is published by the non-profit educational organization called the Stencil Artisans League, Inc....SALI for short...i find the articles...write or rewrite most of them...choose the photos...and do the production as well...vanessa of fanciful twist and tracie huscamp and painter girl and helen morris and many others have appeared on the pages...and carolina girl jeanette will be in this issue...you could be next..here are covers of some of the issues...

i have a new baby...yes the over-the-top computer station known as an iMac...with a screen like a television...i can work on it across the room...with my wireless keyboard and might mouse and even a remote control...in order to do high-level graphic and web design...

2.4 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor with 4MB shared L2 cache at full processor speed
800MHz system bus, 2GB (one SO-DIMM) of PC2-5300 (667MHz) DDR2 memory,
Two SO-DIMM slots support up to 4GB

i am also working on a new catalog for Callanwolde Fine Arts Center in Atlanta...

and i just finished a newsletter project for my new boss...yes, i have a new job with the young man i wrote about a few posts ago...

then i have an order for art for my newest gallery in west palm beach...

UPDATE>>>and i have had to deal with the consequences of my last post...after he was released from the hospital...with anti depressant and anti-anxiety meds...we have been climbing upward one baby step at a time...he was a little confused when he told me he was manic/depressive...he is not, but has major clinical depression...this illness does not swing like a pendulum...it drops like a 10,000 pound lead weight on the person who has it...as well as the entire family...getting the weight off yourself and crawling out from under it is a lifetime job...for everyone involved...if you choose to stay...some relationships survive...some do not...

although the term "depression" is commonly used to describe a temporary depressed mood when one "feels blue", clinical depression is a serious illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts that cannot simply be willed or wished away. It is often a disabling disease that affects a person's work, family and school life, sleeping and eating habits, general health and ability to enjoy life. The course of clinical depression varies widely: depression can be a once in a life-time event or have multiple recurrences, it can appear either gradually or suddenly, and either last for few months or be a life-long disorder. Having depression is a major risk factor for suicide; in addition, people with depression suffer from higher mortality from other causes.

surprisingly, stress has been shown to play a major role in the patient's first two episodes of major depression, but not in later episodes. Genetics and temperament appear to play the most important role for later episodes of a patient's depression...it appears that major depression often requires stress to "get the ball rolling", but after a few episodes, the illness develops its own momentum and no longer needs stress to "keep rolling". This is a familiar pattern seen in many medical illnesses. Thus, the treatment of major depression must address the major contribution that stress, genetics and temperament play in this disorder. Unfortunately, most current therapies lack this well-rounded approach.

i am getting help to deal with this...and learning to set boundaries...and enforce them...i have always been a 'you do your thing and i'll do mine' kind of girl/woman/child...even though i am a strong and capable business person, i do not do well with interpersonal relationships...it's that trust thing again...i have my heart in a box (i discovered this in a guided meditation a few years ago) and i do not keep the box with me...it is far away where it can be safe and protected from being broken...i love unabashedly, but do not expect or demand love in return...and that is what i get...talk about manifesting...

it seems i am comfortable loving and caring for someone who is incapable of returning this to me...is it beginning to make sense???

so i have missed visiting with you while i am holed up with my new computer...and trying to cope with my new life issues...i'll see daylight sometime next week...meanwhile, know that i love you all...

Don't forget to visit my other blog,The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer here...there is a lot of art and good stuff there...

photos...
www.laist.com/attachments/lindsayrebecca/PlateOfFoodAtSAW.jpg

www.umich.edu/news/research/images/bluehouse250.jpg