don't wait for perfect...

'home work' - 2009  natural objects, beads, string, found objects, and acrylics on paper

this is a piece i dreamed up years ago (2001 to be exact) but never brought it to completion until i joined facebook, found an old friend who makes similar pieces, and sells them...DUH!!!

for those among us trying to figure out what we should be doing at this point in our lives...i offer this:

"If you're waiting to have a good idea before you have any ideas, you won't have many ideas." - David Allen, Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity.


my school teachers were right...i do have an over active imagination...i have thousands of ideas...i am a great brain stormer, problem solver, idea woman...


i am a master of idea generation...but i suck at implementation...


i dug out my old journal/sketchbooks last week and began flipping through the pages...there, among the decades of sketches and musings was the idea for this piece...




i even wrote "i can't wait to create one of my own."


but wait i did...almost 8 years...as with this piece...

i find it is not so much procrastination and laziness (although those can be mitigating factors in my nonperformance)...it seems to be that little voice in my head that says:


do you have self-sabotaging voices? do you let ideas flounder in procrastination? are you doing what you were born to do?

if NO is the answer to any of these...i will share a secret that has made me a success in my business life...

DONE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT

and

MARKETING TRUMPS MASTERY

don't wait for it to be a perfect idea before you implement...don't wait for the perfect beginning before you start...don't wait to draw the perfect sketch before you paint..

DON'T WAIT FOR PERFECT

perfection is an illusion...conditions are rarely aligned perfectly...you may never have ALL the money, ALL the time, or ALL the knowledge you desire to begin...the naysayers and critics will always be around...become a recovering perfectionist...

JUST START SOMEWHERE AND THE REST WILL FOLLOW

BIG NEWS COMING SOON...

i will begin selling a lifetime of art supplies for mixed media in the next few days...i am simplifying my life...please check back for more details...

My Plate is Overly Full...

my plate is so full you can't even see the plate anymore... "My plate is full" is an idiom used to say to someone else that i have all the work i can handle...i have no extra hours in the day for anything else...i am at my wits end trying to do everything...i have boxed myself into a corner with all these deadlines coming at once...
where has the week gone??? i have been busy with that four letter word called

w o r k
i have a lot to tell you...first, i have been working on the magazine...for those of you who read the mag, this issue is full of great articles and how to's...i am the editor of a 56-page, 4-color quarterly publication called "The Artistic Stenciler"...it is published by the non-profit educational organization called the Stencil Artisans League, Inc....SALI for short...i find the articles...write or rewrite most of them...choose the photos...and do the production as well...vanessa of fanciful twist and tracie huscamp and painter girl and helen morris and many others have appeared on the pages...and carolina girl jeanette will be in this issue...you could be next..here are covers of some of the issues...

i have a new baby...yes the over-the-top computer station known as an iMac...with a screen like a television...i can work on it across the room...with my wireless keyboard and might mouse and even a remote control...in order to do high-level graphic and web design...

2.4 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo processor with 4MB shared L2 cache at full processor speed
800MHz system bus, 2GB (one SO-DIMM) of PC2-5300 (667MHz) DDR2 memory,
Two SO-DIMM slots support up to 4GB

i am also working on a new catalog for Callanwolde Fine Arts Center in Atlanta...

and i just finished a newsletter project for my new boss...yes, i have a new job with the young man i wrote about a few posts ago...

then i have an order for art for my newest gallery in west palm beach...

UPDATE>>>and i have had to deal with the consequences of my last post...after he was released from the hospital...with anti depressant and anti-anxiety meds...we have been climbing upward one baby step at a time...he was a little confused when he told me he was manic/depressive...he is not, but has major clinical depression...this illness does not swing like a pendulum...it drops like a 10,000 pound lead weight on the person who has it...as well as the entire family...getting the weight off yourself and crawling out from under it is a lifetime job...for everyone involved...if you choose to stay...some relationships survive...some do not...

although the term "depression" is commonly used to describe a temporary depressed mood when one "feels blue", clinical depression is a serious illness that involves the body, mood, and thoughts that cannot simply be willed or wished away. It is often a disabling disease that affects a person's work, family and school life, sleeping and eating habits, general health and ability to enjoy life. The course of clinical depression varies widely: depression can be a once in a life-time event or have multiple recurrences, it can appear either gradually or suddenly, and either last for few months or be a life-long disorder. Having depression is a major risk factor for suicide; in addition, people with depression suffer from higher mortality from other causes.

surprisingly, stress has been shown to play a major role in the patient's first two episodes of major depression, but not in later episodes. Genetics and temperament appear to play the most important role for later episodes of a patient's depression...it appears that major depression often requires stress to "get the ball rolling", but after a few episodes, the illness develops its own momentum and no longer needs stress to "keep rolling". This is a familiar pattern seen in many medical illnesses. Thus, the treatment of major depression must address the major contribution that stress, genetics and temperament play in this disorder. Unfortunately, most current therapies lack this well-rounded approach.

i am getting help to deal with this...and learning to set boundaries...and enforce them...i have always been a 'you do your thing and i'll do mine' kind of girl/woman/child...even though i am a strong and capable business person, i do not do well with interpersonal relationships...it's that trust thing again...i have my heart in a box (i discovered this in a guided meditation a few years ago) and i do not keep the box with me...it is far away where it can be safe and protected from being broken...i love unabashedly, but do not expect or demand love in return...and that is what i get...talk about manifesting...

it seems i am comfortable loving and caring for someone who is incapable of returning this to me...is it beginning to make sense???

so i have missed visiting with you while i am holed up with my new computer...and trying to cope with my new life issues...i'll see daylight sometime next week...meanwhile, know that i love you all...

Don't forget to visit my other blog,The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer here...there is a lot of art and good stuff there...

photos...
www.laist.com/attachments/lindsayrebecca/PlateOfFoodAtSAW.jpg

www.umich.edu/news/research/images/bluehouse250.jpg

manic depression... enabling...boundaries...

this has been a very difficult week for me...i am a creature of habit...change can be disruptive...the majority of us do not change until we are very uncomfortable or in much pain...in Twelve Step programs they call it the bottom...and reaching the bottom is the start of change....

Logo of The Bipolar-Manic Depression WebRing
someone very close to me had to be hospitalized for what we now know is manic depression...we reached a collective bottom this week...he to the crazies and me to the end of my rope... it came as desperation with much pain and discomfort for us both...i am not an expert on this disease, but i can relay from my experience the chaos and heartbreak that an undiagnosed and untreated soul brings with them...

nothing is peaceful in a life with them...it is either fast and furious or the end of the world...there is no middle ground and no calm relaxing time...to love them is to be swept up in the chaos that is their life...and, eventually if you do not get help, you are so focused on them that you can lose yourself...

the normal that becomes your life together is not normal to anyone watching...a friend related a recent incident at a restaurant where he was singing puff the magic dragon one minute and ten minutes later cursing the entire state because he could not find a job...she was convinced that he was on drugs...and that i as in denial...

Photo from ecademy.com
for me, i tried to create a normal life for us...make a home and a safe haven...but days, months and years of this roller coaster existence eventually became my normal also...you begin to think that singing one minute and cursing the next and laying in bed for months is normal...so it took his doctor to tell me that i was enabling him...to shake me out of my stupor...

enabling...it became crystal clear to me at that moment...almost...

but how do i un-enable...when providing and care taking and loving until it is better is such a part of who i am...i am a fixer by nature...a real idea person...let's try this or this...i come from a place where this negative behaviour would never have been tolerated, even a little...my mother was a "pick yourself up and dust yourself off" and a "dry your eyes and put on some lipstick" fake it till you make it kind of person...you could not wallow in the depths for too long...self-pity was unheard of in my mother's world...which was such a pain for my drama queen self...

consummate researcher that i am, i took to google to find out what enabling is exactly...defined as giving someone the means, resources or authority to make something possible....well, this sounds positive to me...except when applied to a manic depressive because it means giving them the resources or authority to stay sick...it also is doing for someone what they can and should be doing for themselves....this gets trickier in a relationship because things like buying food and paying the bills keeps me well fed and comfortably sheltered, but it also keeps him from getting the help he needs...i thought i was helping...

so what is the difference between helping and enabling?

-enabling is providing an atmosphere within which another person does not have to take personal responsibility...it is parenting someone who is old enough to parent themselves and who is not a child of yours anyway...it is an over-stepping of what would be considered healthy boundaries...instead it is a lack of boundaries...thus, enabling is doing anything for someone else that they 'should' be able to do (and need to do) for themselves....

-helping someone consists of giving assistance or lending an ear, after having been asked...and doing so without giving direction or advice...and without having any stakes in the outcome of the choices a person makes....thus, helping someone is rendering assistance after having been asked...

the difference is what the outcome is for the person receiving the help...is it a one time help or is it something that teaches them to rely on me....enabling prevents them from hitting the bottom or getting the help they need...

my copy of van gogh self-portrait...article on van gogh md is here...
These may be the most productive questions i ever asked myself:

1. Can my loved one do this for himself?
   
2. Are my actions effectively shielding him from the (full) consequences of his behaviors

If the answer is “yes,” you are enabling...and i am enabling!!!

here is the tricky part...i found this very interesting article that slammed my face right into the mirror of looking at myself..."The core root of the problem of enabling rests with one's own inability and or refusal to help him/herself....what many are seeking to do in the 'helping' of someone else is to avoid their own problems, issues and or avoid meeting their own needs." the article continues, "So firstly, it is important to make sure that you are meeting your own needs and taking personal responsibility for yourself. In order to meet your own needs and to be responsible for yourself you will need to develop boundaries. As one begins to develop boundaries and a healthy sense of the difference between self and others then and only then can one begin to truly learn the difference between helping and enabling".

photo from here...
that boundary thing again...it has come up in my life before...i have never been good at making them or maintaining them...when we enable, we put other people's needs before our own....this was a very meaningful statement for me...checking in with my myself and my motives is helping me discover why i am enabling...is it my need to feel in control and is there some part of me that likes the chaos...i am still working on this one...

enabling gives us a false sense of control...we do what society tells us a 'good' father, mother, husband, wife, son, daughter or friend should do...but when we are not getting the results we desire...we feel frustrated and resentful...when the persons' behavior does not change, we think we have failed...our actions, done with the best of intentions, have created or contributed to exactly what we don't want...

herein lies the circle of enmeshment...if you are in this situation with someone else..and you do not have healthy boundaries...nor does the other person...it is a recipe for a lot of pain...as two people try to live through each other instead of living their own lives....wow!

there is a saying that we change not when we see the light, but when we feel the heat...having to face the consequences of our behaviors is 'the heat', the motivator to make a change...so when i enable, i effectively turn down the heat and deny him and myself the learning associated with the consequences... hummmmmmmmmmm...

tomorrow i begin the process of learning to distinguish between helping someone and enabling them with the help of a therapist...realizing and admitting that i have a problem is not easy for me, but it is a step toward my own healing...and i am willing to step out on the path to where i will no longer feel the need to enable or to be enabled....

when taking responsibility for our own behavior...each one of us must find our own path...so my path may not be your path...experience teaches us that it is useless to lay out a path for someone else to follow...and i am not doing that...i am just trying to help enable share my journey with you....

Don't forget to visit my other blog,The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer here...

my research led me here...
www.jewishaddictionservices.org
http://www.co-anon.org/enable.html
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/borderline_personality/57270
http://scienceblogs.com/neurophilosophy/2007/11/van_gogh_manic_depression.php
http://t.webring.com/hub?ring=bipolarmanicdep1

http://www.ecademy.com/node.php?id=78656