Saturday, March 7, 2009

this door is closed...move on...

I understand that I cannot open a door God has closed…yet I have been wrestling/fighting/tugging, even to the point of laying prostrate in the way of, trying to keep a door open that God has already closed…tightly. This is what I have been doing for more than a year now. Do you think perhaps it is time for a dose of acceptance?

Oh boy this has been a hard life lesson to learn. It is not that I am pig-headed, although some might disagree. It is that I so desperately want to keep that door open that I would endure any amount of pain in order to do so. I have cajoled/begged/cried buckets of tears and still that door remains closed to me. Permanently!

Why has it been so hard for me to move on? This is a question not easily answered without a lot of inward reflection and prayer…and much suffering.

I am not by nature a quitter… am I quitting if I accept? Acceptance means the act of accepting or receiving; approval; state of accepting or believing in something. Steve Pavlina says, “Acceptance means that you perceive reality accurately and consciously acknowledge what you perceive.”

Well there’s the rub…do I perceive reality accurately?

At this point in time I am unsure of that…but I do believe that acceptance ‘opens the door’ to change…it allows me to be okay right now, before I get through this transition. Truly when one door closes another opens…

I am beginning to see the possibilities that I was blind to before acceptance started to creep into my psyche. I am finding that acceptance is the very first step on a long journey into the unknown…. once I am on the other side of that closed door for good…

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Britt-Arnhild said...

I learned something very important from my bishop the other day - beauty is often created from pain.

God bless you.

Carla J Schuchman said...

So glad I read this this morning! Ummm, maybe I have been perceiving reality obscurely. So, I think I have accepted, but truely I have not.

Mary Timme said...

This is the most difficult place to reach. Not only acceptance, but a willingness to be different from what you've been.

Renee said...

I don't know why your door is shut, but I do know that acceptance is huge.

I am in the middle of writing a post about acceptance as it is used in my situation.

I am touched by what you wrote and am hoping for peace for you.



tangled stitch said...

It must be a universal thing. Acceptance and the idea that life has to be ok just the way it is or it wouldn't be. I'm reading Thomas Moore Dark Night of the Soul and I read his take on acceptance of ourselves and how we have to take the beauty and the not so beautiful just this morning. Quite a lesson and your post kind of cements it as a universal lesson. Here's to acceptance and an end to the pain.

Renee said...

OH MY.....God amazes me when He sends you somewhere at the perfect moment. I have been trying to get to your blog for several weeks. This morning it was right there, easy access just click....and it was like a light bulb going off telling me..STOP READ & LISTEN...
As I read your post it was like instant understanding and knowing your pain. In fact, there are no words to explain and that is the beauty of just knowing that God sends us to a place at just the right time.
Your statement "I am finding that acceptance is the very first step on a long journey into the unknown…. once I am on the other side of that closed door for good." For MY JOURNEY,those words, are exactly what I needed to hear. My emotions are almost overwhelming and I have taken another step up, to be able to go through the open door at the top without looking back.
Like you, I don't usually lay my heart or my inner most feelings out for all to see. Although, I am learning that by doing so it has opened my mind for better understanding of myself and opening new doors.
I pray that your acceptance will bring peace and going through the door will bring joy to your heart.
Thank you for sharing such beautiful strong words.

Lisa said...

Love your blog I feel right at home
Your creative spirit/genuis definitely shines thru on your blog

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