Saturday, March 8, 2008

Our deepest fear continued...

i am writing this to help myself make sense of this journey and for all those many people who have expressed to me how my voicing the topic of mental illness has helped them...



on wednesday of this week, my family normal changed forever...my loved one drove to another state, parked his car on a bridge, and wrote a suicide letter...he did one other thing before he was going to jump...he called me to say goodbye...

i have hidden the car keys for two weeks now...so i could keep an eye on him every minute...he had an appointment with a psychiatrist wednesday at noon...he left a little early saying he was going to get a hamburger...when he was not home by 2:30...i knew that something was wrong...

about 3:35...the call came on my cell phone...he wanted me to know about the life insurance policy and that he had written a letter for his family...i did not know what to do...i ran to my neighbor's hoping to get her to call the police...she was not home...

so i dialed our daughter (in atlanta) at work on the land line and held my cell close so she could hear what he was saying...she was as panicked as I was...she hung up and called the local police...within a few minutes my land line rang and it was the sheriff's dispatcher...peggy...i laid my cell down and told her what i knew...he was not on the island any more...had a suicide note...his cell number to trace the signal...his car make and model...and that i had him on the phone...she told me to keep him talking and try to find out where he was...

i talked, pleaded, begged him to tell me for over 2 hours...by this time there were police at the house...robertson...and searching for the car...and peggy was listening with me to mike...after 2 hours he told me where he was...on the top of a bridge...


in what seemed like an eternity...peggy told me that the police were closing the bridge and paramedics would be with him in seconds...and they were...officers chase and elliott...

the joyful news is that he was taken to a wonderful treatment facility where the staff actually seems to care about his life...unlike the psych wards in jacksonville who kept him 3 days, released him with a handfull of pills and made him sign a paper that he would not harm himself or others...that didn't work...

i was assured that he will not be released from this facility until he is no longer suicidal...the administrator has taken an interest in his case and i can finally take a sigh of relief for now...his wonderful brothers also came down to help me and to visit him...a gift for us both......there is so much to attend to...and he is so angry with us for stopping him...

and. of course, his diagnosis was wrong...they believe that he is manic depressive...i believe that the meds he was on precipitated this suicidal situation...he was not this way before taking them...

i am barely able to function at the moment...i called my doctor who told me to rest and do something i love...could there be paint in my near future??? 

although i am releived for the time being...we are far from a return to safe and calm place...it is just the beginning...but it is a beginning...i am thankful that we have a beginning...i am hopeful that he has found the place that cares about the person he is...the beautiful shattered spirit...so fragile...that i have loved for over 25 years now...please continue to pray for my family...

Don't forget to visit my other blog,The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer here...there is a lot of art and good stuff there...

photos:
http://www.citynoise.org/article/2794
http://en.structurae.de/structures/data/index.cfm?ID=s0000929

19 comments:

Carla said...

what a harrowing experience for you and all. you did exactly the right things. you and your family have my prayers for full recovery and well-being.

Doe Grozs Art said...

This is so heart wrenching... I am glad he is some where safe. I have had many sleepless nights regarding the safety of my son and feel the pain you are going through. Art is good therapy. Pour it out on the canvas... My prayers are with you and your family. I wish I were there to give you a huge hug.
Sending love and light.
Doreen

Lisa S. Oceandreamer said...

Oh Rebecca, I read very slowly as i was afraid to read the next sentence, the next word. I am at a completely loss for the right words. I cannot imagine what that was like for you or for him, but I have to think there was some unseen intervention at work that he is now where he should be for the time being. Perhaps with a proper diagnosis, full on treatment and the proper meds the road will smooth out. I cannot imagine seeing someone I love go through this.
Stay strong dear Rebecca, and know these invisible hands are holding on to you for dear life!
XOXOXO
Love and hugs,
Lisa

paisleydragonfly said...

Rebecca,

I have a family member who has bipolar disorder: my 20 year old daughter. She hasn't been suicidal but her risk-taking is very worrisome. You did all the right things and indeed saved your family member's life.

I would urge you to get in touch with your closest NAMI (www.nami.org - National Alliance for Mental Illness) affiliate. This is an organization with a wealth of resources and support for those of us affected by family with mental illness.

Kudos for writing about your experience. By being open we will eradicate the stigma that's still associated with mental illness.

Please take care of yourself. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Hugs,
Denise

Vallen said...

In this sigh of relief you can now finally take, breathe back in the wonder of all those people working together to help the man you love. Then breathe in all the love and good thoughts that are coming to you from all of us out here. Breathe it all in and then relax for a time.

judie said...

OMG Rebecca, when I saw the picture of what I believed was the Sunshine Skyway, I panicked too. I'm sure you know it's reputation. I am so, so very sorry you have to go through this. I lost my dear brother to suicide, and it stays with one forever. I am so thankful your loved one is getting real help. You too, must try to be calm and unstressed, for he does need you. The prayer circle continues. xoxo

Abby Creek Art said...

Sweet Rebecca...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. What a heartwrenching time you are going through.

Maisie would jump on your lap and snuggle you today if she could. She would lift your heavy heart with many dog kisses. xox

somepinkflowers said...

what about you?
are you ok?
are you going to be ok?

i send prayers of support your way,
prayers
of support
and growing strength.

~~~sign a paper that he would not harm himself or others~~~
you have got to be kidding...


lord help us all.

NeereAnDear said...

My heart aches for you but I have seen such a strong spirit in you that I know you will make it through this as you have so many times before...

Thanks God that you had the mindset to do what you did to save him... he called you because he was crying out for help....

I will keep you both in my prayers...

God Bless you

JO

qualcosa di bello said...

the 2 of you have been on my mind all day long for quite a few days & now i know why. i have been & will continue to pray for this whole situation...for grace & strength, peace & healing...

AnnieElf said...

Dearest Rebecca, My eyes tear up for you and yours. So many to come together in such a unified effort to save one life. Your loved one may not know it yet, but he is experiencing a resurrection. How great is that during this most Holy of seasons? Annie

Leslie said...

Oh Rebecca!

I continue to hold you and your beloved in my prayers.

Be kind to yourself too.

xo
Leslie

The Artful Eye said...

Rebecca,
I'm sending you love, hugs and prayers. Be kind to yourself. You are a warrior.

Andrea

Elizabeth Parsons said...

how hard this must of been for you and your family- prayers to you and yours...
eBeth (Elizabeth Parsons)

e. beck said...

oh my ... i have been out of town for two weeks and not keeping up with blog friends ....i'm sorry you are going through all of this ..... i've just said a prayer for you and your family ....
peace to you .... e

Leanne said...

I will light a candle for both of you, may the light show you both a route out of this nightmare

Leanne x

Giabella Designs said...

I just happened by your blog thru Happy Shack Designs. I have a funeral to attend this morning at 11:00am. My coworker's husband killed himself on Monday. His wife and 12 year old daughter found him. I am so glad that you were able to help your loved one. Good luck!

Giabella Designs said...

I just happened by your blog thru Happy Shack Designs. I have a funeral to attend this morning at 11:00am. My coworker's husband killed himself on Monday. His wife and 12 year old daughter found him. I am so glad that you were able to help your loved one. Good luck!

Joy Logan said...

Depression is such torture and it has to be treated with the correct meds like you said. I hope he gets the help he needs,you can't be responsible right now. He must want help. Work it out with your art for your peace of mind.

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