Monday, March 31, 2008

BLOG.Aversary Day...Artistic and Passionate...BUT OF COURSE

I am so glad you've come by...the festivities began at midnight...the parade is underway...the confetti is dancing in the air...the band is playing my song...i am jumpin' for joy!!!! 

Cre8Tiva's Blog is 1 year old today!!!

the blogsphere is designed for creativity and self-expression...every day we are invited to create something new...something fresh and memorable...and, just as quickly, it fades into the next moment or day...and begins anew...Evelyn Rodriguez of Crossroads Dispatches wrote: "technology can either be used for more efficient isolation or more meaningful intimacy."

the linking...the sharing...the dialog...the new friendships...add layers to my life...through this blog i have come to i care about people i would otherwise never have known...i come in close contact with the everyday lives of hundreds of you daily/weekly...and all are precious jewels in my heart...the connection keeps me coming back...the commonality fuels my spirit with hope and love...the blurring of borders, both real and imagined, seems to be happening before our eyes..daily you help me widen my perception and my reality...you enhance my perspective...learning about you helps me learn of myself...

the need to express my everyday life...in my real, raw voice...helps me grow...as a woman, a friend, a citizen of our planet...and become more connected to my spirit...and growing i am...thank you for allowing that connection with you to flow...

I promised fun and games....

so let the games begin...to celebrate this blog's first anniversary....i am having a "give-away"...please tell your friends about it...invite them to come by and try for the giftie...by now you probably know the drill...leave a comment answering the following question...

Who is this blog for? 

I will put your name into the hat for the drawing to win this...

max heart, rebecca e. parsons 2007, 8 X 10 print...

and this...
shell wings, 8 X 10 print...

and this...

my business book for artists and craftsmen...

If you don't have a blog--be sure and leave me your e-mail or some way to contact you! or else I won't be able to get the gift to you if you win....and check back because I will post the winner on April 5th!


My Blogging Type is
Artistic and Passionate



I see my blog as the ultimate personal expression - and work hard
to make it great. One moment I may be working on a new dramatic design
for my blog... And the next, I am passionately writing about my
pet causes. My blog is very important - and I am careful about whom
I share it with.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Believe...

Gustav Holst wrote, “What the mind yearns for most is not to know, but to believe.”

the Muse Belief, at left, knows with certainty who she is and what she is capable of accomplishing ...from my blog last april, "We go to her whenever we need a good dose of motivation because she believes in us too." Do you have that deep knowing about yourself? What do YOU believe that is limiting your creativity? Can you be or become the creator that is inside you?

i teach creativity...to people who think they are not creative...or who think they have lost it...it’s not hard to teach someone to be creative...the hardest part is to make them BELIEVE that they already are...

it is a reasonable assumption on my part...for non-believers or those of you who are analytical...exactly one-half of every one's brain is made for creativity...two of the four hemispheres...50% of our brain is specifically wired for creative thought...it's their specialty!!!

most of the people i teach seem to have shut, locked, bolted, padlocked, fastened, barred, or sealed the passageway to the other side of their brains...or that doorway has become temporarily inoperative, impassable, inaccessible, blocked, obstructed, impenetrable, unnavigable...because someone told them they couldn't draw...or sing...or they had two left feet...and it hurt...deeply...because they thought they were doing it...so they built a wall that blocked the door to the other side...and became frustrated in occupations that are socially acceptable, but oftentimes creative nonetheless...

and don't even get me started on what schools teach...they teach students to know the right answer...not to question it's rightness...if you do question...and i know from personal experience...that you are scolded...or graded down...or labeled non-compliant...or sent to see mr. peck (the vice-principal)...i digress...they teach you not...creative thinking!!!! they embrace not...creativity...they desire good test takers...convention, not invention...

for those of us lucky enough to understand that we were born creative...it took a strong will and much perseverance not to loose it by the time you left high school or college...it took even more when the world told you that being a dancer/artist/musician/craftsman was not good enough...a hobby, not a career...or you would always starve!!!

in spite of my well-meaning family and friends...

i  BeLieVe...

as i still do...that it is my life's work...my calling...my gift...

to create
&
do what i love


Tomorrow is our BlogAversary!!!! We are 1 Year Old!!!! Doin' the Happy Dance here...Look for a giveaway!!!! hint: it is something very special...

UPDATE: my loved one seems to be making progress...yesterday he said he was more on the side of living and less on the side of dying...baby steps...thank God!!! baby steps...that is MAJOR!!!! this has been a test of huge proportions...and i have had to face some difficult truths about myself in the process...enabling/co=dependent/fixer that i am...i will soon chronicle my journey into isolation this year...getting to the core of who we are requires we step far outside our individual comfort zone...i have been far out of mine this past few months...please keep praying for us...

Monday, March 17, 2008

The Twiglettes

Happy St. Paddy's Day...to all my faithful friends...

this did it...one look is all it took....this very picture of a magnificent metalwork bed by shawn lovell...inspired a whole new stream of creativity for me...

upon seeing this dreamy bed....i immediately took up my pencil and began sketching...before i knew what happened...twiggie and sprig were born...they sprung to life out of the end of my graphite...just as a branch emerges from a tree...

introducing the twiglettes...

twiggie and sprig



then i was off to find just the right twiglet...for the mixed media pieces i will show in the near future...it took some doing...but on this walkway to the beach i found just the right twigs....from a a gnarled beach tree...the tiny twigs just called, "make wings out of me".

i am fascinated with the possibilities of them...so many ideas...so little time...

they are the first portraits from 'the twiglettes' series...they are so adorably cute...twiggie is a little shy and soft spoken...while sprig is a tomboy wanna be...do you have any ideas for sibling names???

leavern, barque, treesha, seeda, woodly, branch, woody.

the original paintings and prints will be available next week on boutique cre8tiva...along with a few more surprises...

i have been so out of focus recently...i had a little time to reflect and restore this weekend...what i do know is that God loves me...and i believe that He has a great plan for my life...i don't know what He knows...so i am going to trust Him to get me there...this is a new life and a new day and i must live it...and stand i my truth...the new and improved rebecca is journeying forth...Cre8Tiva in tow...glad to be back

bed photo: http://www.slmetalworks.com/beds_a.html

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The SuperWoman Drama Queen's Demise...

we all have super powers...right? Me...the consummate drama queen super woman has met her match...LIFE smacked me upside the head and may have caused the demise of the drama queen that was moi!!!


Your Personality Is



Idealist (NF)

You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.
You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.

Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.
You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.

In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.
At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.
With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.
As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.

On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.


i am not sure i will ever be the same again...there seems no normal...no place to find peace of mind...i am sad and crying one moment...angry the next...scared out  of my wits the next...all my emotional nerve endings are exposed and raw...i have lost the ability to cope...and i am in pain...

at some point during the 2 weeks i was on suicide watch...i tried to pick my loved one up in a chaise lounge...i broke the chaise...and i broke me...i have a torn ligament in my pelvis and caused a hernia...when it became impossible for me to take even a few steps without excruciating pain...i went to the emergency room...and i have been ordered to bed rest...the pain pills are not working on the pain, but they do allow me to sleep...the anti inflammatory seems to work better...

this is what the idealist does when control is out of her capabilities...and the idealist drama queen crashes into a giant pity party...weeping endlessly...wildly angry...and finally falling into a restless, fitful sleep...

tomorrow is the family meeting with my loved one and his therapists...i am supposed to speak my truth...for, i am assured,  that will be the only way to begin the healing process...i am angry that he decided to check out of our life...i am sad about the same thing...and terrified about what the future holds or even if there is a future...his abstract negativity and hopelessness seem to suck the air out of the world...i find it very difficult to breathe...

i know that after a very dark, difficult time there is some large transition planned for you...we must trust God, even when engulfed in darkness and doubt....that trust thing again...how bad do things have to get for me to begin to trust??? is that my lesson??? 

"We must live", says the pastor in Ingmar Bergman's Winter Light to a man contemplating suicide. "WHY must we live?" retorts the man. This question occupies a central place in Bergman's art and life, as indeed it should in the life of every human being. In answer to this question, the pastor in Winter Light says nothing and lowers his eyes, indicating in this way the impotence of faith to supply the answer to this most important question. *

this disquieting question, which demands introspection and self-examination, is what i have been struggling with for some time...the complete impotence one feels when you love someone contemplating their own suicide...the inability to reach them and make them give a damn...the realization that loving them is not enough...and loving you is not a reason for them to live...

In Bergman's "The Hour of the Wolf" there is a remarkable scene, in which a few moments from Mozart's "Magic Flute" are depicted on the stage of a miniature theater. The opera's main character, in the course of his quest, finds himself engulfed in complete darkness and cries out:

"Eternal night,
when willst thou flee?
When will mine eyes
The daylight see?"

After a moment of desperate silence, he receives the answer from afar: "Soon, soon...or never."

these harsh explorations have become part and parcel of my life this year...i bring them here for people to understand that mental illness should be spoken of...these are not bad people...just very sick people...and if you let them they can make you sick also...when will my eyes daylight see???

Don't forget to visit my other blog,The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer here...there is a lot of art and good stuff there...



* http://www.hal-pc.org/~questers/bergman.html

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Our deepest fear continued...

i am writing this to help myself make sense of this journey and for all those many people who have expressed to me how my voicing the topic of mental illness has helped them...



on wednesday of this week, my family normal changed forever...my loved one drove to another state, parked his car on a bridge, and wrote a suicide letter...he did one other thing before he was going to jump...he called me to say goodbye...

i have hidden the car keys for two weeks now...so i could keep an eye on him every minute...he had an appointment with a psychiatrist wednesday at noon...he left a little early saying he was going to get a hamburger...when he was not home by 2:30...i knew that something was wrong...

about 3:35...the call came on my cell phone...he wanted me to know about the life insurance policy and that he had written a letter for his family...i did not know what to do...i ran to my neighbor's hoping to get her to call the police...she was not home...

so i dialed our daughter (in atlanta) at work on the land line and held my cell close so she could hear what he was saying...she was as panicked as I was...she hung up and called the local police...within a few minutes my land line rang and it was the sheriff's dispatcher...peggy...i laid my cell down and told her what i knew...he was not on the island any more...had a suicide note...his cell number to trace the signal...his car make and model...and that i had him on the phone...she told me to keep him talking and try to find out where he was...

i talked, pleaded, begged him to tell me for over 2 hours...by this time there were police at the house...robertson...and searching for the car...and peggy was listening with me to mike...after 2 hours he told me where he was...on the top of a bridge...


in what seemed like an eternity...peggy told me that the police were closing the bridge and paramedics would be with him in seconds...and they were...officers chase and elliott...

the joyful news is that he was taken to a wonderful treatment facility where the staff actually seems to care about his life...unlike the psych wards in jacksonville who kept him 3 days, released him with a handfull of pills and made him sign a paper that he would not harm himself or others...that didn't work...

i was assured that he will not be released from this facility until he is no longer suicidal...the administrator has taken an interest in his case and i can finally take a sigh of relief for now...his wonderful brothers also came down to help me and to visit him...a gift for us both......there is so much to attend to...and he is so angry with us for stopping him...

and. of course, his diagnosis was wrong...they believe that he is manic depressive...i believe that the meds he was on precipitated this suicidal situation...he was not this way before taking them...

i am barely able to function at the moment...i called my doctor who told me to rest and do something i love...could there be paint in my near future??? 

although i am releived for the time being...we are far from a return to safe and calm place...it is just the beginning...but it is a beginning...i am thankful that we have a beginning...i am hopeful that he has found the place that cares about the person he is...the beautiful shattered spirit...so fragile...that i have loved for over 25 years now...please continue to pray for my family...

Don't forget to visit my other blog,The Artist as a Spiritual Explorer here...there is a lot of art and good stuff there...

photos:
http://www.citynoise.org/article/2794
http://en.structurae.de/structures/data/index.cfm?ID=s0000929

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Our deepest fear...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: Who am I to be brilliant? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. Its not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to so the same. As we were liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others" -a quote of Marianne Williamson from " Return to Love" a reflection in the Course of Miracles, not that of Nelson Mandela as ften stated...


please click here to watch this short video clip...it will change your life....or, at least, adjust your perspective a little...

liberated from fear...this has been my constant prayer for the past few weeks now...my fear that i will loose my loved one and his fear that is clouded by the lies that bind him in deep depression...

living with someone who is in depression is not easy...it consumes our entire life...it is ever present...the pink elephant in the room...we try to ignore...my journey has become very small...encapsulated into getting through the next minute...looking too far ahead is foggy...there seems to be no clarity...just survival...

i love the above quote, whomever wrote it...to remember i am a powerful child of God helps me to be strong when i don't want to...to breathe when it hurts...to stay when i want to run...

i miss my visits to you and have been so blessed with your caring responses and love...every message helps me...every prayer is powerful...i believe that soon i can return to some kind of normal...until then know that i am taking things minute by minute...and my heart is lifted by your visits...

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